I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
