Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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