You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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