I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
