At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Barsexuality is the new black.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
