He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize