That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize