Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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