i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
