i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
