i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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