Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
