Can Purell be used as lube?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
