My room smells like vodka and shame
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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