How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will pee on everything he values.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
