The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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