Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
