i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
