chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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