grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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