While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
