Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
