fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just found puke in my bra..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
