you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
