i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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