I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
