You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
