I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
