You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
