I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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