I wanna passion pit in your ass
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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