A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
