when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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