Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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