dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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