im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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