just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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