5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
