woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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