Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
