i think i have herpe
just one?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize