I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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