Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
