my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
