This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
