Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
