Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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