i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
