I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
