I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize