so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
