Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
