I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The beer is more important than you right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
