He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
