I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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