I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
