have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
