My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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