There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
