This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
