i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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